The Full Workshop List A-Z

Advanced Cock Confidence: Graduate Level Strapping On

So you know how to strap on—Great! Are you looking to increase sensation for yourself and your partner? How can  you enhance your cock mindfulness? Are there contradictions to receiving penetration as a guy, a butch, or a stud? How does strap on play change as our bodies get older? What size is your cock, and what size should it be? Come learn more about constructing an advanced cock-centric sexuality, and preview some of the more unusual cocks on the market made for packing, pissing, and shooting.

Bad Boys: Masculinity & Dominance

Everyone loves a bad boy: they know what they want, and they take it…and probably ride away on a motorcycle afterwards. But how can you be a bad boy without being an asshole? How do you practice that potent combination of masculinity and dominance without misogyny or internalized homophobia and with respect for women? How can you enhance your dominance in consensual, loving ways? On the flip side, how can you bring that dominant side out of someone who may be nervous to let it emerge? How do you become – or find – the bad boy of your dreams? Learn from a pro: Sinclair Sexsmith, kinky queer butch top who’s been writing about dominance since 2006, will teach you how to get what you want.

Becoming a Queer Leader

So you want to be a leader in the queer community? Travel around to conferences, write articles, start a blog that is widely read and valued, or teach workshops? First of all, you need to have a community to lead—so how do you help be part of building stronger connections between people? And what about the downsides of community leadership, like unreliable income, your reputation proceeding you, and being held to high expectations? We’ll delve into all of it, including how to build from where you are now to where you want to go, and what to be sure to create and prepare for along the way.

Maximum attendance: 8-10 people. Each attendee must pre-register with an application and statement of intent, complete an interview process, and meet with Sinclair for one hour of personal coaching time the day before the workshop. The workshop includes a workbook, personal coaching, and follow-up check ins with each participant.

Best Sex Ever

You’re sexually liberated—you’re open minded—you are excited about becoming your most fulfilled sexual self. But how? How do you get more people to hit on you? How do you know what you want to experiment with? How do you develop the kind of confidence you need to ask for what you want? This workshop explores the basics of sex, sexual shame, sexual politics, kink, some of the most common power play concepts, including topping/bottoming and domination/submission, role play, ways to explore percussion (hitting), sensation (stings, thuds, temperature, and more), and basic bondage. Come explore your own landscape of sexual desires, and leave with a clearer sense of what your best sex ever will be.

Build Your Own Gender Toolkit

Ever been told you can’t do something because of your gender? Do you describe yourself as a “____ woman” or a “____ man” or a “_____ femme” or a “______ queer” because you want people to know that you challenge a stereotype of that label? Does your gender sometimes hurt, from pinpricks to sledgehammer blows as you move through the world?

In this workshop we’ll explore the difference between your personality, your hobbies, your interests, and your gender, and break it all down such that you can have your own raw materials to create and fortify your gender to move through the world fluidly, with more pleasure and less pain.

Cock Confidence

Many of us have experience with strapping on, packing, and playing, but there are lots of new products out there on the market that might be exciting and that you haven’t encountered yet. Writer and sex educator Sinclair Sexsmith talk about what cocks are good for packing, what options are out there for pack-and-play, which harnesses are the most loved, and which to avoid. Plus, she’ll delve into some cock confidence, getting into the psychology of penetration, and discussing what it’s like to shoot from the hip. Come get the nuts and bolts of strapping it on and fucking. You’ll learn about positions and lube, how different products work, what “cock confidence” means, and the psychology behind strapping on and playing with a cock with a partner, or with oneself.

The Dating Toolkit

Do you want to be bold, but not creepy? Do you want to stop being a pushover and letting the person you’re dating have their way? Do you need to develop and strengthen your boundaries? What are your boundaries, anyway? And how do you ask someone out on a date? From flirting, to attracting the kind of person you desire to be in a relationship with, to navigating sex in a long term relationship, to open relationships, we all want to be involved with people who get us, who have our backs, and whom we trust deeply. What kind of skills do we need to build now in order to have the kind of relationships we want in the future? This workshop will introduce key concepts for communication and connection, and encourage all attendees to have better, deeper, and more satisfying relationships.

D/s Protocol

When taking D/s from the bedroom into a 24/7 relationship, one of the most fun practices is having protocol to follow. But where do you start? Join Sinclair Sexsmith in this advanced class about asymmetric power balances and do some self-reflection to figure out just what types of protocol you might like to explore. Whether you’re a top or a bottom, a dom or a sub, you can explore ways to negotiate more power play rules and restrictions that enhance your connection with your partner and keep your erotics going strong.

The Feminist Dominant

Do you want to play harder with BDSM, sensation, spanking, or power dynamics, but feel guilty? Does dirty porn and erotica turn you on, but when it comes to trying it with a lover, you hesitate and worry about whether you’re “respecting” your partner? What are the feminist ways to explore power dynamics, sensation, and psychological dominance and submission? Let’s explore our responsibilities in a culture that belittles women and makes assumptions about power, and reclaim the pieces that we need in order to have a kick-ass sex life. Whether you are a dominant or a submissive, a top or a bottom, or just want to use some power in the bedroom to enhance your sex life, this workshop is for you.

Flirting Dirty

Formerly called “Flirting, Foreplay, & Fucking”
We all want to get laid. But making it happen in real life can be a lot harder than we want it to be. Do you wish more people would hit on you? How do you make yourself more available? We can all use some practice asking for what we want, but how do you escalate from flirting to foreplay and foreplay to fucking? Learn to perfect the art of the tease, draw out your potential lover’s interest, and make sex even hotter in the process.

Fucking Forever: Sex in Long Term Relationships

New relationship energy can propel a couple into a phenomenal experiential phase of sexual energy—bursts of passion, exploration, and intensity. Long term relationships, however, face the day-to-day life navigation of bills, scheduling, job and career difficulties or changes, disappointments, changes, and grief. How do we build a long term relationship that keeps the passion alive? How do we ensure we have enough time for our partner(s), and for ourselves? How do we both separate from our partner to have our own rich inner life and come back together to build a loving bond? And what kind of kinky play can be used to keep the fire going? We’ll explore all of these concepts and more at this interactive workshop.

Fucking with Gender

Sinclair’s signature class. Presented at Drew University (NJ), Brown University (RI), Northwestern University (Chicago), Smith College (Northampton, MA), Swarthmore University (Philadelphia), Harvard University (Cambridge, MA), and more.

Let’s explore gender expression, identities, labels, transcending the mutually exclusive binaries, queer culture, and hot sweaty sex. Academics love deconstructing gender—and yet, we still have to navigate this gendered world. How do you build your gender intentionally? Are there ways gender can “hurt” less? And how do you develop your gender in ways that enhance and sustain a satisfying sex life? (‘Cause really, don’t we all want better sex?)

Developed explicitly for students of gender studies, sexuality studies, and queer studies who want to put their theory into practice, this workshop covers Sinclair’s Best Sex Secrets and Gender Tenets and an interactive Q&A to discuss your burning questions.

Identities in a Label-Free World

“But I’m so much more than just one thing!” “Labels are for jars.” “I’m just me, you know?” “I like people, not genders.”

Do you hear folks struggling with labeling their own identities? Either out-right rejecting the idea of labels, or using one but qualifying it extensively? So do I, and there are a lot of real reasons to resist labels. We are so much more than one thing! But what part of identity creation and theories are valuable as we understand the ways that our marginalizations and privileges move through and fit in the world? We’ll discuss what the difference is between labels and identities, and pose the radical idea that words can be liberating and not just limiting.

Leaving Marks: Biting, Punching, and More

Leaving marks is one of Sinclair Sexsmith’s favorite things. Marking a submissive or bottom can be a strong bonding practice that enhances your power dynamics and deepens your connection. A mark on someone’s body—be it temporary or permanent—can lead to a feeling of posession and power, of vulnerability and ownership. Come to this exploratory, interactive demonstration and see some examples of leaving marks on your partner. We’ll explore leaving bruises through biting, punching, and other percussion implements; permanent marks like piercings, tattoos, cuttings, and brands; and temporary options like permanent markers and body hair.

Owning Your Birthday Suit

Kinky, poly, leather, queer, genderqueer, trans, sex-positive, and other outlaw folks often find it easy to explore sex, but it might still be hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. These exercises are clothes-on and touch optional. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat in 2009 and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

Pleasure Lab

“Have you ever witnessed a green growing thing and wondered why it could grow so effortlessly? is it possible for YOU to grow that effortlessly? How do you channel the force that drives the seedling toward the sun? Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be more at home in your own skin? Have you wondered what embodiment is, or really feels like? Have you desired to have deeper experiences of pleasure, joy, and ecstasy?”

This is an “embodiment” workshop—meaning, feeling deeper into one’s own body, expanding the senses, getting in touch with desires and pleasure, and encouraging more aliveness. We will spend quite a bit of time creating a safe circle to play within, exploring our own boundaries, and really feeling into our yesses and nos before we build to offering some supportive, healing touch to each other.

That sounds less fun than it’s actually going to be, though. We’re going to offer all sorts of experiments that are juicy and thought-provoking and heart-centered and we’re going to take risks and dive deep into ourselves and learn all sorts of embodiment concepts that we can take home with us, to our partners or friends or lovers or whomever.

Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat in 2009 and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut.

Queering Power Dynamics: D/s, Age Play, and Beyond

Top, bottom, switch, and everything in between: many of us like to explore what it’s like to give up or take power in our sex play. Some of us even like to play with psychological domination and submission. Let’s explore 24/7 role play or domination and submission. What happens when we incorporate identities like “Daddy” from the leather community? What could other age play roles of bigs and littles, Daddies and Mommies, boys and bois and girls and grrrls, have to offer us as we seek deeper and more fulfilling sex explorations? We’ll discuss bringing a power exchange relationship of any sort from the bedroom into a 24/7 lifestyle, what the benefits are for both, and how to go about navigating long term fulfillment for all parties within the relationship.

Radical & Responsible Gender: Feminism, Masculinity, Misogyny, & Femininity

Presented at Smith College (Northampton, MA), New York University, more.

Academics breaks down and deconstructs gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively”? How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? In this interactive, engaging workshop, we will cover some basics about what gender is, what gender roles and stereotypes are, and how they work, then cover basic gender theory, breaking things down into small parts, in order to build them back up again “responsibly,” by which I mean thoughtfully and intentionally, with feminist principles and anti-sexist perspectives strongly in place. Participants will go away from the workshop with a better sense of how to use labels as liberation instead of limiting, as celebrations rather than restrictions, and be able to more fully embody whichever gender roles they choose.

Relationship Skills for Queers

We’ve all heard that “relationships take work,” but what kind of work exactly do they take? How do we know if we’re in a good one? And how can we make a good one last? This workshop will explore all sorts of skills that we should have been learning all along, but that are significantly lacking in this culture. We’ll do exercises on identifying cultural norms & personal values, accountability, naming & setting boundaries, strengthening support networks, and more. Bring a paper and writing utensil, we will be doing writing exercises.

The Sexual Politics of Topping

In some ways, it’s easier as a feminist to justify bottoming or submitting than it is to reconcile topping or domination. Consent and agency are key issues in feminism, and they translate well to justifying the exploration of receiving pleasure through bold sensation or temporarily giving over power and authority over one’s body. But the craving to dominate someone else, to find pleasure in someone else’s pain, to grin like a fool and get off on making someone cry—the politics of topping are difficult and multi-faceted. In this workshop we’ll explore power theory, consent, and agency, as key issues to comprehend in topping; we’ll discuss different kinds of topping and stages to enhance your skills as a top.

The Sexual Politics of BDSM

We all have some ideas about what it means to be a top or a masochist, but what does it mean to be a feminist dominant or an empowered submissive? And why do we assume that submissives are unempowered, anyway? What’s the difference between BDSM and abuse? Is it healthy to engage in kinky sex play? Sinclair thinks so. BDSM is the pursuit of giving and receiving pleasure through bold sensation, the consensual exchange of temporarily giving up power or taking on authority over another. In this workshop we’ll explore how consent and agency are key issues in feminism, and how they work in the exploration of BDSM. We’ll discuss different kinds of topping and bottoming, as well as theories to to enhance your personal BDSM skills.

Talking Dirty

Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be.

Writing Dirty

To write about sex well you need the boldness to command and describe the dirty and oh so delicious acts we humans explore, and the basic writing skills of plot, setting, and character. In this pen-to-paper writing workshop we’ll look at some examples of extremely successful and unsuccessful erotica, steamy love letters for your sweetheart, how to step up your blog to the next level, where to submit your work for publication in the erotica world, and some quick basics for editing your work. Bring a paper and writing utensil, we will be doing writing exercises.

Writing Ourselves into Existence: Queer Stories

Traditional publishing through books, magazines, and literary journals have typically excluded gay stories, characters, revelations, and identity development. Navigating the world of literature can be extremely othering as a queer person attempting to write about queer lives, constantly being questioned for our cultural representations in writing. But Judy Shepard continues to say that coming out is the most important thing we can do, that indeed it is a political act, which encourages and advocates for visibility. Telling our stories is one way to make ourselves visible. Come to this interactive writing workshop and learn about the history of queer stories, what the queer story looks like, alternate forms of publishing such as chapbooks and blogs, and begin to form your own queer story. Bring paper and a writing utensil, please!

Write Yourself A Better Sex Life

When Sinclair Sexsmith began their current writing project, Sugarbutch Chronicles, they were stuck in a “bed death” relationship and they didn’t know how to get out. Now, six years later, Sinclair has become a prominent speaker and workshop leader on BDSM, power play, sexuality, and gender, and travels around to colleges, sex toy stores, and kinky conferences to talk to people about their experiences. Writing can be a powerful tool to actualize desires, both as a way of discovering what we don’t know that we already know, and as reflection throughout the process. This workshop explores the self-reflection of a personal chronicle project and learning erotic actualization through sex blogging, writing, and exploring. Bring a pen and paper, we’ll do some writing together.